areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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