If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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