I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
