I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
