just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
