I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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