): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
