I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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