So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
