If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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