dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
