please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
