Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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