No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i dont even know how to be here
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
