drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
