There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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