As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
