You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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