There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
two words...techno handjob
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
