Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
