Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
