How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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