I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
