I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
