I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
false alarm, still single
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
