brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I wish there were birth control emojis
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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