last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
