i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
