she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
