GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
