Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
