____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
