I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
