i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
