All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
