Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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