Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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