I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
