Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
