I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
