i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
