wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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