After last night, I could never be a politician.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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