I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
