my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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