Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
