youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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