we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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