Im at strip club and am horny
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
