just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
