i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
