His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
