I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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