i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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