Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Randomize
