i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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