Three words: puerto rican gang bang
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
