glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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